This article is for informational purposes only. Being eaten by the GOOG monster is not something that you want to try at home. Please leave the handling of the GOOG monster to trained experts.
The GOOG Monster is a voracious beast that likes to prey on both the guilty and the innocent. The key to getting eaten by the GOOG monster is to give off the appropriate scent…the scent of website decay. If you really want to give this a shot (disregarding our disclaimer), you’ll need to know the appropriate smells to manufacture.
Here are 6 ways to attract the untamed wrath of the GOOG monster:
1. Syndicate your feed
The GOOG monster likes to eat tiny websites that syndicate their feed to bigger websites. So if you’re just starting out, syndicate your feed and make sure it gets picked up by an established feed syndicator. An alternative method is to attract the attention of dozens of splogs.
2. Change URL structure and help your users with a 301 redirect
The GOOG monster sniffs out 301 redirects from a mile away. A 301 is really just a temporary snack for the GOOG monster, and might be a good entry point for the uninitiated if you’re willing to be nibbled on for a while. The GOOG monster likes to nibble on sites with complete URL overhauls for a good 1-3 months. If you’re lucky, the GOOG monster will be satisfied and let you go after this time.
3. Get a new site design
Just as humans smell chemicals, the GOOG monster smells HTML code. When you get a new site design, you might notice how it looks much nicer, but the GOOG monster doesn’t care about looks. Nope. He notices that your code has undergone a radical change. The GOOG monster loves to devour change. A new site design often results in changes to 1) the location of your content in the code, 2) the structure of your title tag 3) the ratio of code to content 4) whether you have a META description 5) sitewide navigation links. All of these changes will bring out the GOOG monster for a feast.
There are really only 2 ways to beat the GOOG monster here. Either, trick the GOOG monster by mimicking your old code (keeping elements in their same locations) or build up enough stronghold defenses (i.e. become an authority) before hand to minimize the ability of the GOOG monster to take a bite out of your site.
4. Give editorial links to paid partners
The GOOG monster has seen a recent increase in his appetite for paid links. The GOOG Monster wants all paid links to himself. So be careful. He has sent out a brigade of sniffers whose sole task is to horde the paid editorial links of others for himself. The GOOG Monster wants to get fat, and his current strategy for plumping up the coffers centers around keeping all the paid links to himself.
5. Link out to your friends
Do you have friends with websites that are unrelated to your own? Do you link to your friends’ websites from your blogroll? The GOOG monster can smell this…but to the GOOG monster, it smells the same as a paid editorial link. And the GOOG monster’s favorite food are varieties of paid editorial links. So if you have a site about bowling and your sister has a site about girls & gadgets, think twice before linking to your sister’s website.
6. Link to a list of other sites from every page of your site
Haven’t heard of the is_home() function in WordPress? Well, the GOOG monster is glad, especially if your theme designer didn’t incorporate the function into your WordPress theme. The GOOG monster loves to snack on run-of-site links to external sites.
Ok. That’s my list. Can you help me make the list longer by offering more suggestions for feeding a hungry GOOG monster?